Hey everyone. Before I can start talking about my worst experience with Emetophobia, I must give some background. I'm a part of my high school's marching and concert band. That is a 2 term class that you can take all 4 years of high school. This is where I spend most of my time, and it's how I met most of my friends. Well every year in April, we go on a Spring Trip. This is a 4 day trip we take to somewhere different each year. We go to San Francisco, San Diego, Anaheim, and Seattle. While we're there, we do all sorts of things! Go to amusement parks, museums, perform, hang out at the hotel, beach and all sorts of things. We all get really close while we're there. Well this all took place my sophomore year when we were in San Diego.
I still hadn't told anyone about my Emetophobia and I never really had the reason to. The only people who knew were my family and they didn't tell anyone. I had gone through my freshman year spring trip to San Francisco and had no problems, but this one was different. We were going to fly this time. I had been on a plane one other time and that was when I visited Oregon. I'm not afraid of planes and I never feel sick on them so I didn't have a problem with it. I was just worried about other people. I tried to make sure I sat next to people who didn't have motion sickness and have been on a plane before. I ended up sitting in the middle. My friend Carlee on my right and a total stranger on my left. Note that we have a really big band but we can't all fit on one plane or bus. So we always get 2 and we all sign up for which one we want to be on. I was on bus 1 and most of my really close friends were on bus 2. So I didn't really know who sit with. I wasn't all that worried about sitting by Carlee. I knew she had motion sickness but she's ridden on planes before so I trusted that I could sit with her. I was more worried about the stranger. I didn't know who he was or how he would respond to being on a plane. I started to get really anxious until my friend Carlee started showing me things in the weird Sky Mall thing and distracting me. She didn't know I had Emetophobia but I'm pretty sure she could tell I was uneasy. Eventually the dude sitting next to me passed out and didn't wake up until we landed. So I had a safe somewhat anxious trip there. Out of what I know, no one got sick. But oh boy is that going to change.
The whole trip was going super well. It was of course only the first day but it was awesome. I don't really remember what we did but I know it ended pretty well. The next day though... We had our actual competition that day so we had to wake up pretty early and get into our concert attire. We then all got on the buses and went to our destination. Concert order was: Jazz Band, Concert Band, Wind Ensemble (<<me), lunch then our choir. Well all the bands performed and we were going to have lunch. We had Subway. c: It was really good. Haha then we left that concert hall and went to where the choir was going to perform. The choir performed and we all went back to the hotel. My roommates and I were a little slow getting to our room and when we got in, we decided we were going to step out onto our balcony-like thing. Only to find someone had vomited from their balcony onto our balcony. And my friend Carlee was oh so lucky enough to accidentally put her hand in it. I was mortified. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should cry, or just brush it off. My eyes started to water but I tried to hold it back. I didn't want my Emetophobia to ruin my trip. Luckily, no one noticed but inside I was dying. I wanted to burst out crying but I couldn't. I did find out later that night when we went to the pool who threw up. Thanks Gavin.
The next day we were going to Sea World. That's where we have our awards ceremony. I decided I was going to hang out with one of my bestest friends Amanda and a couple others. This is when we all started to realize that the water down in San Diego is much different from the water where we live. This is the thing we believe people got sick from. But I believe it was dehydration. It's really hot and sunny in San Diego and people were refusing to drink the water because it tasted different. Not a whole lot happened during the day. We all went on rides and enjoyed our time together. At night we had the awards ceremony and we did super good! I don't remember off the top of my head what we got. After that, we got on the buses and went to the hotel. We just hung out in our hotel room for the rest of the night and played Cards Against Humanity.
The next day was the day we go home. So we had to wake up early-ish and pack up. We all had breakfast and one of our friends (Doran) came into our room and talked to us for a little while. He talked about how our friend Cole got up in the middle of the night and threw up all over the floor. I once again felt like crying but there wasn't anything I could do. I felt so trapped. I just went into the bathroom and tried to shake it off. I was able to get over it again and go on with the day. We did all the stuff we were going to do that day than went on the buses and headed for the airport. A couple people were talking about how they didn't feel good and that was terrifying for me. I was trying to drown them out though and hope to get home as quickly as I could. We got to the airport and went straight to the luggage check place. Since there were a whole bunch of us, we had to wait in a pretty long line. I was standing next to James on my left and Doran and his now ex-girlfriend Erin. James was on the phone and I could hear him talking about how he threw up twice on one of the nights. Woo I loved hearing that conversation. I was just trying to remain calm. It didn't help though that Erin said she wasn't feeling good and had to go sit outside. This is where everything starts to spiral out of control. All of bus 1 gets through security and are sitting on the ground and chairs by the gate we're supposed to leave out of. Erin and Doran were a little slow getting through security though because Erin wasn't feeling too hot. Doran eventually walked off to get her some water when all of a sudden she throws up all over the ground. Doran sees this and runs to her as fast as she can. People are running to her and making sure she's okay while I lose it. I had enough of people throwing up on the trip. I completely broke down. No one really understood why but I just turned into a total mess. I then explained it to people through my broken breathing. I didn't want all these people around me though. I wanted them to help Erin and make sure she was okay. She was my friend too and I really wanted to make sure she was okay. But I couldn't. My brain would tell me that anytime I get near her she'll throw up. They all rushed her to the bathroom and Doran came back asking if anyone had clothing that she could wear because she threw up all over hers. They then got her the clothes she needed and she came back out to hang with us because she was on my bus/plane. I was starting to calm down from my panic attack but I was still messed up. They wheel Erin out in a wheelchair because she's too weak to walk. They place her next to the chairs and boom. She throws up all over herself and the floor again. I can't fucking take it at this point. I'm lying on the floor crying and having another panic attack. They rush Erin back to the bathroom to get her cleaned up and we giver her more clothes to borrow. People have then learned to give me my space which isn't what I needed at that time. I desperately needed someone to talk to and help me. They then wheel Erin back to where we're sitting. She gets out of the wheelchair and sits with us but this time the stupid fucks finally give her a bucket! Now she won't hurl all over the floor! The bad part though is she's sitting in the row of chairs behind where I would be sitting if I wasn't on the floor. I finally work up the courage to get up and ask her if she's all right. She says yes and I quickly run back to my spot on the floor. I feel accomplished and happy that I was able to do that even if it was like a 4 second exchange. I started to get over my second panic attack when she starts throwing up again. I fucking shot up off that floor and took off in some random direction crying my eyes out. I see that they still haven't cleaned up her previous vomit off the floor and continue to walk in a circle trying to get over my third panic attack until my band teacher sees me and stops me. I could tell he was originally going to get mad at me because I wasn't in a group of 3 but that lightened up when he saw I was crying. I told him about my Emetophobia and that I didn't know how to get over it and that walking was helping me. He said okay but that I should be safe about it. I continued to burst out crying while desperately searching for my friend Amanda. She was on the other bus so she was seated somewhere else in the airport. I managed to find the other group but I couldn't find Amanda. I decided I didn't want to look dumb so I sat next to my friend Julia and talked to her for a bit. I explained my situation and she seemed sympathetic but I think I was interrupting so I left because I felt unwanted. I eventually had to go back to my group because our plane was going to leave soon and I didn't know when that was. When I returned Erin was still vomiting and was too sick to return with us. She would have to stay in San Diego for another night. Not too long after we started boarding the plane. This was also a magical experience for me.
I got on the plane and decided to sit next to 2 friends who I knew were feeling well and could handle planes. On my left was Menley and on my right was Carlee. And about 2 rows up was my band teacher and 2 parents. Everything was going fine. Menley was listening to music and Carlee was doing her own thing. I don't remember what that was. I was sitting there thinking about the previous events. Little did I know that Julian was violently vomiting in one of the front rows of the plane. And as soon as we were able to get up my friend Ana ran to the bathroom and continued to throw up. People were basically throwing up the entire way back. And when we landed we had to sit for a bit then as soon as we got up boom! Dayanara threw up all over Collin and the floor of the plane. Bright red. Luckily it was really close to me so I could see it really well. And there goes panic attack number 4. I was breaking down because I knew I would have to walk past it if I wanted to get off the plane. I felt so trapped. I wanted to forget it happened but I couldn't do that unless I was off the plane. My band teacher then told me that I shouldn't look down, I wouldn't step in it and that I was strong and could get past it. You know it's like when you're climbing a high place and get scared and someone says don't look down but you do anyways? Ya. I did that. I looked down. I burst out crying even more as I practically ran off the plane. We all had to stop at the bathroom so Collin could wash his pants and Andre could wash his bag. I went in to check my face and see how bad I looked. I was a complete mess. I had a puffy face, my eyes were bloodshot, and my face was super red to match. And I was still crying. We started to walk to where we get our luggage and I just so happened to be near my band teacher as we went down the escalator. Sarah then turned around and said, "Mr. Lawrenson, I don't feel so good. Like throw up not good." He basically just said find a trash can because we couldn't stop at anymore bathrooms. I then started to have another panic attack thinking she was going to throw up everywhere. Panic attack number 5. I went to the luggage area and stood there awkwardly. I felt like I shouldn't be crying or freaking out. I wasn't the one getting sick. Why was I crying? I felt like everyone hated me. That I should have just gotten over everything. But that's kinda hard to do when people won't stop throwing up around you. The second plane landed not long after ours and I found Amanda. I ran to her and told her everything that had been happening. I was once again met with the unwanted feeling. She started to tell me how she didn't feel good either. I started to freak out but not cry. I didn't know what to do. I had to walk away because I was afraid she might throw up. She never did but apparently she did catch pneumonia for the second time. I grabbed my luggage and texted my dad saying that he needed to be there as soon as could. I didn't want to be stuck there with people throwing up for longer than I had to be. I got in the carpool cars we were in. I was in Erin's car. Except Erin wasn't there. I was with Doran and 3 others. I don't really remember who. But I do remember they started to talk about the events that had happened. They saw I started to get uncomfortable and asked if I was one of the people to throw up. i said no I just have a major fear of it and I just had some panic attacks. They sympathized but continued their conversation. I kept hearing them talking about people throwing up and I started to cry. Doran noticed this and got everyone to stop talking about it. We all sat in silence the entire way back to out school. My dad of course wasn't there yet and I had to wait even longer. Luckily nothing happened during that time. My dad eventually showed up and I shoved my stuff in the trunk and got in the car. He started to ask how the trip went. Mind you, it's around midnight and I'm basically dead right now. 5 panic attacks do a lot to a person. I basically start yelling and freaking out telling him everything that happened with people getting sick. He just continued to drive and listen to me. I got home and went straight into my room only to have yet another panic attack because I was afraid I was going to get sick. I thought it was this 24 hour bug or some stomach flu thing that I was going to catch. I seem to have a pretty strong stomach and I didn't get sick. I'm actually going on 2 years without throwing up. I woke up around 6:30 like I normally would considering it was Monday. I turned off my alarm and continued to sleep until my dad came into my room saying we had to go and I needed to be dressed. Now whenever I cry, my eyes get super puffy the next day and I can't really see. I tried to get up and get ready but I started to cry because I felt it was unfair for me to have to go to school that day after those events. I tried to get dressed as fast as I could but I was stumbling everywhere and I was trying to put my shoes on as I was saying goodbye to my mother and she said there was no way I was going to school. I looked too destroyed. I think my brother stayed home too. I don't remember. But my dad left for work. I then went back to sleep for hours. When I woke up I explained everything to my mom and she understood why I looked the way I did. When school ended that day I texted Amanda and asked how band was. She said there was practically no one and Lawrenson basically talked about how everyone who threw up was begging for attention and that it was all forced. I don't know. I wasn't there. But here is my worst experience with Emetophobia. Now basically everyone in band and people I'm close to know about my fear. I'm now pretty open about it and I've gotten much better about talking about it. I can actually withhold conversations about throwing up. Something I couldn't do before! It's till gross but I don't cry now. I know this is a really long one but I thank everyone who made it to the end! I love you all so much and I thank everyone who read it!
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