Hey guys! I know it's been a really long time since I last posted but I'm really sorry and I hope this post makes up for it. This is a fairly personal entry talking about my experiences with Emetophobia and how I got it. Some things may be considered triggering so please, read at your own risk. And please know that I in no way want to trigger you.
For starters, I though I'd explain what Emetophobia is. Emetophobia is an intense fear of vomiting. Now, that definition may vary from person to person. And no one really knows where it comes from. It's usually from a traumatic event having to do with you getting sick or someone you know. Not a whole bunch of people have this so sadly, not a lot of research has gone into it. Making it difficult for people who do have it to find help. I get that no one really enjoys throwing up, but for some people, there is a certain anxiety that can come with it. And just about anything can be a trigger. People who do have this fear can become controlled by it. It makes your daily life difficult. It sucks living in constant fear of someone throwing up. Even someone just saying "my stomach hurts," or "I don't feel good" can be a nightmare for you. It's hard to interact with other people for fear of them talking about it, or one of them getting sick.
My Emetophobia came from a very young age. I was born in 1998 and my brother was born in 2000. My mother had a totally smooth birth with me. Everything went perfectly fine. But things were a little different with my brother. He decided he wanted to go out backwards causing my mom to have a C Section. My mom ended up having to stay in the hospital for a long time because she got really sick. After about a month or so, she was finally able to go home. Well she was still sick. She was constantly throwing up, and gagging. And just ya. Really triggering stuff. I was only 2 at the time so to me, it was just her being really sick. (NOTE: I do not blame my mom in any way. It's not her fault) I then grew older. I started to realize that I was very sensitive when it came to people getting sick, including myself. I would always plug my ears so I wouldn't have to hear anything but I never knew I had a fear of it. Whenever I would personally get sick, I would get really panicky. I would rock back and forth and constantly say "Oh no" to myself over and over again. I still just thought it was me hating getting sick. I would then start to memorize where people got sick in movies so I could leave the room or plug my ears and close my eyes. One example that sticks out is in Spirited Away. I used to watch that all the time and I would always leave the room when No Face got sick. No one ever knew it was because he threw up but I did. I refused to tell anyone. It was like this embarrassing secret I had to keep hidden. I would then keep watching movies hoping that no one would get sick. It wasn't until my freshman year of high school that I realized I had Emetophobia. I was in my Cardio/Health class when my teacher put on Super Size Me. I had seen this before and knew there was vomiting in it. So naturally, when it was about to happen, I plugged my ears and stared at the ground. Little did I know, my teacher was a total quack and thinks it's hilarious when people throw up. He absolutely loves it. So he decided to rewind it and watch it over and over again. I was staring at the ground for the longest time until my friend tapped me and asked why I wasn't watching. I just said I had a headache. After school I went home and looked up "fear of people vomiting." I then found out that it was an actual thing and that I wasn't totally crazy. I still refused to tell people that I had this irrational fear about something completely natural that no one can really control. It wasn't until my dad made me watch Jackass when I had my first panic attack because of it. I remember asking my dad if there was vomiting in it and he said yes. This of course made me very uncomfortable so I asked if he knew where. He said he kind of did. So I asked if we could skip over those parts. He was confused but agreed. I can still remember it perfectly. He forgot where one was. I burst out crying and had to leave the room. I was having a panic attack. I didn't know what to do so I just sat in my room crying and freaking out until my dad called me back into his room. I then told him about my Emetophobia and he listened but I don't think he really understood considering he made me watch the rest of the movie. This left me with the worst anxiety ever. I was all teary eyed and terrified that he'd forget and I'd see someone throw up again. I luckily made it threw the movie without seeing anyone get sick but a couple years later he thought he'd try and show me Jackass 3D. I ran out of the room crying before the movie even started. As soon as Beavis and Butthead said something about seeing the Jackasses like never before I was out. My dad tried to get me to go back into his room but I refused this time unless we watched something else. Which we did. My family still have had a hard time trying to learn about my fear. Whenever we'd all watch a movie together and someone even mentioned vomiting or someone did get sick I would cry. I was then told to get over it multiple times. I wish it was that simple. But they've kinda learned to ask me if I'm clear to watch a certain movie or not. I found this really awesome website that will tell you if a certain movie has vomiting in it. It's called Kids In Mind and it has helped me so much. Just search for what movie you want, (sadly it doesn't have all movies) click on it and scroll down to the section that says Violence and Gore. You may have to read a bit to find it. And if it doesn't say anything, than you're good! I hope this really helps you! But back to the story. I've only had a couple panic attacks since then and only one of them was severe. And I luckily haven't thrown up in over a year going on 2. Haha my body has found a way around that... If you get what I'm saying. (<<gross)
I really hope this has let you get to know me a bit better. And once again, I'm really sorry that it's been so long since I last posted. I thank everyone who made it to the end and for my next post I may talk about my most traumatic experience with Emetophobia. Bye. c:
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